Nancy's Notes : Thoughts of the Rectory Dog

Nancy’s Notes – The Thoughts of the Rectory Dog (November 2015)

Apparently there’s much speculation at the moment about who will be the next Bishop of Leicester. His Reverence came home very excited the other day because he’d heard that the ‘wise money’ was on someone whom he had said would be a good choice. (I’m afraid that being bound by the rules of confidentiality that apply to Rectory pets, I’m   unable to name names!)

My friends Humpty and Dumpty – the two rather over-fed pigeons that sit on the fence at the bottom of the garden – suggested that I should ring somewhere called “Ladbrokes” and “see what the odds are”. I’m afraid I didn’t have a clue what they were talking about. (They tend to talk in pigeon English anyway, and to be honest I think they’d been drinking as well.)

Between you and me, I had wondered whether I should apply for the job myself. After all, the church has female bishops now, and as a Rectory dog of some experience, I think there’s very little I don’t know about the infernal workings of the Church of England. (Sorry – that was a ‘typo’ and should have read “internal”. Computer keyboards were not designed for dogs’ paws).  The problem is, if I got the job His Reverence would probably expect me to appoint him as my Chaplain.

Meesha – next door’s cat, (who is very Evangelical and woefully ignorant about the established church) asked me the other day what a Bishop’s Chaplain does. I said that the chaplain has to generally look after the bishop, and walk behind him or her in processions. As Meesha rightly pointed out, that’s pretty much what His Reverence does already where I’m concerned. When I suddenly remembered that the Chaplain also stands there holding a crook for the bishop, Meesha made a very sarcastic response which I’m not prepared to repeat; suffice it to say it was a rather unkind reference to Archdeacons. 

Anyway, it seems that it’s too late for me to apply. Something called the Vacancy in See Committee has met to make recommendations about the sort of person they want. I misunderstood and thought at first that this was “Vacancy at Sea” committee. This put me off a bit as I have to admit I’m not over keen on the sea. I’m happy to paddle but not so keen on swimming. Meesha looked it up on the internet and put me right, although again she had to make a barbed comment about the Church of England always being at sea anyway. The next stage is for something called The Crown Nominations Commission to draw up a shortlist of candidates and then interview them and then they submit two names (a first choice and a runner-up – in case something goes wrong) to the Prime Minister. What a palaver!

When I conveyed all this back to Humpty and Dumpty (who are Roman Catholics) they made some quip about white smoke coming from the chimney of 10 Downing Street. They’ve definitely been drinking! 

Anyway, I must go. Meesha has just put on a CD of “Shine Jesus Shine”  and I’m fearful that she’s going to practice her liturgical dance again. It’s not a pretty sight.

With love,

Nancy


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