Nancy's Notes : Thoughts of the Rectory Dog February 2015

 

 

Nancy’s Notes : The Thoughts of the Rectory Dog

February 2015

 

 

 

At long last – thanks to the kindness of your magazine editor – I am now able to submit an occasional column. As a Rectory dog, I obviously have a special insight into church affairs.  Not only do I have access to the ‘Church Times’, which His Reverence (The Rector) refers to, somewhat disparagingly, as ‘Jezebel’s Trumpet’, but I also overhear some fascinating conversations.   

The other day, for example, His Reverence was pontificating in his customary way about women bishops. Apparently he’s in favour – as indeed am I – but I heard him say that he thought that women would make a big difference to the House of Bishops.  What shocked me was that all the bishops have to live together in one house. I know times are hard, but I would have thought that the CofE could have managed to give each bishop a house of their own – even if it was only a little one.

It must be very difficult for the Bishops all living together like that; and as they’re all men at the moment, I hate to think what state the place must be in. There are probably discarded clothes all over the floor and endless takeaway or ready meal containers in the kitchen.

 

I feel quite sorry for the first woman bishop. Apparently she’s going to be Bishop of Stockport – wherever that might be – and her name’s Libby. That’s not why I feel sorry for her, by the way – but I bet she ends up doing all the washing-up and housework. I know about these things because I frequently have to pick up discarded socks and take them discreetly to my basket; and do I get a word of thanks? No. Usually there’s a very sharp reprimand. As for housework – well I’ve made my aversion to the vacuum cleaner perfectly clear by attacking it every time someone tries to use it. When the cleaners come in I try to help them clean the floors by licking them vigorously after they’ve been mopped, but His Reverence goes off on one of his ‘Health and Safety’ rants and starts whingeing on about “Dangerous chemicals”. There’s no pleasing him sometimes.

 

Now where was I? I’m afraid I go off at a tangent sometimes. His Reverence is always telling me I get too easily distracted when we’re out walking. Anyway, I hope that Bishop Libby gets on alright. Next door’s cat – Meesha – is very evangelical and ‘born again’. (In fact she claims that cats can be born again eight times – and very smug about it she is too.) She’s against women bishops because she believes that the scriptures show that only men can occupy positions of headship. Well I don’t agree with that. Apparently there’s going to be a special “Male Headship” bishop appointed to keep people like Meesha happy. That’s fine by me, so long as he has to live in the same house as all the other bishops. 

Anyway I must go; I think I can hear food being prepared in the kitchen.

Yours,

Nancy

PS We had a very nice bishop for lunch…..oops,  I mean to lunch, the other week. His name was Bishop Christopher. I don’t think he would leave socks lying around! 


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